When I was younger I was so self -critical that I would barely talk to anyone and would always prefer to be a wallflower. Not to exist, was my life mission back then. I used to be taunted and oppressoa_edgy just because I was not tisay or rich. I had a dream that time, the child version of me was looking up at a beautiful lady. The moment I woke up I said to myself that one day, I will be like her. I want to be respected and beautiful.
All through highschool and college, I struggled with insecurities with my looks. Society, nowadays, are more critical with beauty. With science, you can perfect your nose even to your jawline. I have always believed in natural beauty, while some maybe in favor of enhancements, I see it as a way to fool oneself. It was never easy to be comfortable in our own skin.
Heartbreak made me change and start living differently. It was only after college that I got comfortable wearing shorts, mini skirts and sleeveless tops. My mama would always buy me sexy clothes since my puberty but I would just wear my baggy pants and a tank top with polo shirt over it. I was always known during college to have messy hair. I was one of the boys back then. I didn’t like make -up and girly things but when I had my first break -up, I decided to take sweet revenge by looking better than I ever was. I started watching tutorials in youtube and wearing more girly clothes and right after taking my last lecture units for my masters degree, I decided to join a pageant. Something that no one expected me to do. After that things changed, I was exposed to modelling and became more comfortable with myself.
For years, I have tried my best to improve myself. Up until now, I am still faced with tests. I always push myself to the limit. I realized that no one was meant to be invisible. We were made to be luminous, to share light to others. With this, I have pushed myself to interact more with people and be more vulnerable. The day I decided to stay in Manila and take a nose dive was probably my greatest leap of faith. Moving to another city without knowing anyone was crazy and my mama hated it.
Starting from nothing, I met new faces. I got a job and eventually got used to living in Manila. At first I really didn’t go out, hated the pollution and the traffic then I got bored with the uptight life. It was during a video shoot that I heard about couchsurfing.org and I decided to sign in.
Couchsurfing exposed me to different cultures from different countries. I eventually ended up joining a lot of events. I did outreach, outdoor and social events. It made me more sociable. Before I wouldn’t talk to a stranger but now I am more friendly and learned more on how to interact with people. As we started hosting people at our house, I would spend time entertaining and talking about the beauty in Philippines. As time passed, I became confident hosting events then the opportunity to be part of Bb. Pilipinas 2013 came.
Now everytime, I look into the mirror I see the lady in my dream. From a girl who would barely talk to a waiter or go out, I have made a 180 degree shift. The perks of the wallflower are limited only to how much you open up, the social butterfly, however, not only get to fly but make wind as she takes flight. Leaving the shadows and obscurity brought me a lot of blessings, I am richer in a deeper sense. After a year of complete shift, I have earned priceless moments and hundreds of friends. There is nothing to fear in being more sociable but a lot to lose for trying to live alone in an island.